


Mothers

by merdarkandtwisty



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, M/M, Not for children, Slash, Time Jump, tiny bit of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 18:06:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8906497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merdarkandtwisty/pseuds/merdarkandtwisty
Summary: four men Twenty years apart have very similar conversations.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: I thought I could be good enough, I thought one day if I tried really hard I could do it.

 

 I don’t own Criminal minds.

“It’s not the same I know that.” Spencer said sliding into the booth beside Aaron taking the beer from the older man’s hands.

“What’s not?” Aaron looked up at the younger man eyes glassy three beers in and wanting to snatch that fourth bottle back from his subordinate.

“My relationship with my mother compared to yours, our childhoods as a whole.”

Aaron gave a disbelieving bark of laughter trying to grab at the bottle just in his reach but Spencer swept it over his head keeping out of his desperate grasp. “No, no it certainly wasn’t.” Aaron gave up on the futile grab for his beer if only for the moment.

Spencer sighed heavily, he put the beer out of Aaron’s reach on a table beside them in the mostly empty bar. The shadows seeming to engulf them.  “It wasn’t, but it was. We both had different demons to fight, but I think in the end we both wanted the same things. Parents who were there one hundred present. I had a dead beat father and a schizophrenic mother who forgot she even had a kid more days than not.” He stopped and looked at Aaron. Taking his hand. A move that he wouldn’t usually make in public but they were mostly alone beside the few scattered patrons who weren’t paying any attention to them anyway.

“Yeah and…” Aaron looked down at their joined hands. Feeling the weight of it. Both physically and emotionally.

“And…” Spencer started off slow easy not wanting to spook Aaron with the words he’d speak next. “You grew up with an alcoholic abusive father and a mother so far down the pain killer road to la la land that she could care less what was happening as long as it wasn’t happening to her.”

Aaron flinched and tried to pull his hand away. Spencer tightened his grip. “And she’s dead and you just came from her funeral and he don’t know how to feel. On the one hand you love her. She was your mother after all. On the other you resent her.  Oh you understand her issues but you resent the fact that she wasn’t the mother you deserved, that you had to be the adult.”

Aaron stared at the other man almost as if seeing him for the first time. He swallowed. He tried to reach around him to grab the beer from the other table and with a sigh Spencer relented grabbing it and slipping it back into his hands.  

Aaron wrapped his free hand around it. More to anchor him than anything else.  “Maybe so but what does it matter now.”  He gave a dismissive shrug. “I am a man now. Not a scared child hiding in the closet. I have a son of my own. I’m not that kid anymore.”

Spencer knew he said it with more conviction then he felt. Spencer stole the beer back but this time he took a swig of it himself. “We’re all still that kid in some way somehow. We all carry a bit of the scars of our childhood with us and those who don’t are damn lucky.” He put the bottle down on the table with a little more force then was necessary. He stared down at it. As if fascinated by the tiny drop of perspiration that was trickling down it.

“Hey Spence you okay.” Aaron was slightly worried about the far off look in his eyes as he stared at the bottle as if it held all the answers to the universe.

Spencer cut his eyes to Aarons. They locked and held for a second and Spencer let go of Aaron’s hand. The coldness settled around him at that moment. He traced his finger down the path the drop had taken.  “When I was younger..” He paused and Aaron could tell that whatever was going was something hard for Spencer to say maybe something he’d never said before.  “When I was younger I thought I could be good enough, I thought one day if I tried really hard I could do it.”

“Do what?” Aaron was once again lost in the conversation.

“Make my mother well make her whole make her the mother I wanted and needed.” He shuddered. “I feel guilty about that now. I realized it was never going to work but the sad thing is it took until that day when I was eighteen and committing her for that last hope to float away. And the really sad thing is that still inside me locked deep inside that little boy still resides wondering why it didn’t work. Why he wasn’t good enough. I know it’s not logical but it’s there.”

He shrugged. Swallowing the rest of the beer. Aaron watched him. “I guess we have a lot more demons in common then I thought.” He sighed. “Spencer let’s go home. Let those little boys have some peace for once.” Spencer nodded scooting out of the booth and waiting for Aaron to follow him.

Twenty years later.

“How did you find me?” The brunette male looked up at the blond as  he  slide into the booth across from him.

“Jack your father may be too stupid to realize where you go every year on this day. Where you’ve been going since before you were even legal but I’m not. I know I’ve always known. Hell I came here with you a time or two if you would remember.”

“Yeah Henry what of it.” Jack tipped the scotch to his lips letting the liquid burn down his throat hopefully burn away the memories of a four year old child. It wouldn’t work he knew it wouldn’t. Tomorrow he’d still be able to hear her screams. Her pleas. The crash against the wall. The sound of the gun. The tumble down the stairs. It was burned into his brain.

“What of it well I figured you getting plastered alone wasn’t a great idea so I came to find you.”

“Well aren’t you just a hero.” Jack snarked swallowing the rest of his drink and signaling the bar tender for another

“I’m going to chalk that up to the liquor talking.” Henry’s blue eyes turned to ice chips.”

“Do what you have to.” Jack shrugged taking the fresh drink from the waitress.

“What the hell Jack. I know you, even today this isn’t you.”

“Isn’t me. How do you know what’s me.”

“I’ve know you my whole life.” Henry pointed out.

“Yeah and.”

“And I think I know you pretty well maybe better than anyone.”

“Why aren’t you with your girlfriend? Polly or Pansy or whatever the hell her name is.”

“Penny?.” Henry looked at him shocked before giving a bark of laughter.

“That’s why you’re being a complete ass Penny is not my girlfriend she’s Aldeans sister.” Henry said mentioning his FBI partner. He had to run out so I offered to show her around the building.  So that’s what your problem was. You thought I was cheating. Jack you know me better than that.”

“I know.” Jack shook his head, and any other day it wouldn’t have even have crossed my mind I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Henry covered his hand with his own. He took the glass from him. “I love you, you know.”

“I know and I’m thankful for that.” He swallowed. “You know Spencer he always said that we all have a part of the child we were inside of us. I think that’s true. When I was little after my mom died every year before I was old enough to sneak In here I would yell and scream at the walls you see I thought. I thought I could be good enough, I thought one day if I tried really hard I could do it. That I would will her back to life.”

“Oh Jack.”  Henry shook his head.

“I know It’s illogical well at six and seven it seemed logical. Kind of like Santa. You know I stopped believing in Santa after that too.

“Ha I know. I remember that year. I was what five and you shouted at me that Santa wasn’t real so I could stop prancing around talking about presents and milk and cookies my mom was pissed.”

“Yeah I don’t think Aunt JJ has forgiven me for that. At least I didn’t do it to Michael.”

“No that boy is almost twenty and still believes in Santa I think.”

“Well don’t worry I won’t let the cat out of the bag.” Jack held his hands up in surrender.

“Lets go home.” Henry slide out of the booth and held his hand out to Jack.

“Yeah lets.” The two men left the bar. One leaving behind the hopes of a broken child.


End file.
